Hmmmmm

It's been 3 weeks.

I haven't been thinking about it, really. Or maybe I just didn't wanna think about it. Was so caught up with exams, and now with hols I'm just watching movies/shows everyday till 3am then I'll be so tired that I'll fall asleep immediately. Avoiding it (?)

What's there to think about anyway.

At first I didn't understand why J said that it'll take him longer to get over it if he's the one to initiate the break up. Now I do. I thought about it too, that we can no longer carry on like this since none of us are happy. What's stopping me though, is all the questions: What if we didn't break up, what would happen to us? Will things change? Will our rs become better? What if I didn't give up? What if I gave us another chance?

And so I didn't have the courage to do it. I'm thankful that J did though. Then I wouldn't have to think about those questions and have any regrets. The one getting dumped actually moves on faster, imo.

I wonder how he's doing. Is he happy? Like I am right now?

I know I said I want guilt to eat him up and have countless sleepless nights. I only said that because I want him to feel what I felt - worrying everyday. That's only fair. But right now I just want him to be happy lmao and move on. I may be wrong, he might have already moved on who knows. But if he's the J that I know, then he wouldn't move on that easily. I want him to know that he did the right thing, there's no need to feel bad. I'm much happier with my life than I was before. I'm tempted to message him, but what's the point of that -


Only thing I can do is just reminisce. I don't feel like talking about this to anyone. Don't wanna think about it. I wanna lock all of our memories in my brain, replaying them in my head over and over again. And not let them out, because they mean so much to me and they belong to me and J only. Funny, how I remember everything so clearly.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not being emo. And I'm not sad. I've moved on. 就真的想开了。 成熟了。I've learned so much from this rs, never regretted it.

Just, reminiscing :)